The room was filled with many faces: mothers with their crying newborns, women seated alone, couples holding hands, and then there’s me, seated with my best friend. Each of us sitting, waiting for the same procedure. It was a hot August day at Planned Parenthood. My palms hadn’t stopped sweating since the three pregnancy test I took from Rite Aid two weeks ago. The morning after pill hadn’t worked. I was the 1%.
The morning sickness continued to battle with my will to keep my breakfast down as I waited for my name to be called. I made an appointment out of state for fear of running into someone I knew.
My best friend tried to keep my mood light, making jokes, talking about the rest of our day, uncomfortable yet relieved with the idea of being in the position I was in now. But all could think about was the 10 week old body of cells growing in me.
I was 24, just finishing night school for nursing, scraping pennies to afford rent and bills with my three part-time jobs. I was starting my life and I was happy with it.
They called my name, I saw the little blip on the ultrasound, I was explained the procedure, and given all possible help and instructions with a follow-up visit.
The procedure was quite possibly the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt (side effects did not bode well for me unfortunately, after ten weeks the at home pill regimen is not an option).
Although this was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt, accompanied by the depression and grief of aborting coming from a Catholic household, I am beyond grateful for the privilege I had to choose the life I wanted. I knew the life I wanted to one day provide for a child and I understood I could not provide what those tiny growing body of cells deserved.
It terrifies me to the bone had I been denied the right to make that decision, I genuinely don’t think I would be here today. It terrifies me to think people I have never met could have the ability to deny me the life I want to live because of a condom break and a failed plan B.
Last I will say is,
To err is human,
To be a complete ignorant ass and think
You have any right to tell a woman what to do with her life and her body is insanity.
I hope my story provides some insight and comfort to those who need it - this process is not an easy decision, it is not a quick fix, and it is a part of you forever.
Please educate yourselves on these issues friends and know you are never alone.
With hope and love,
A woman who was given a choice